At this point in the year, I'd usually be reflecting on the wonderful Painted Chariot midsummer party, at which I enjoy a residency as a CDJ. I'm very pleased to report that the event was a success, providing an opportunity for PC members to express themselves beautifully, and raising some very much needed funds for the Red Cross Darfur Appeal.
I pass on this information without having attended the party this year, and I thank Ghostley Hedges, and Stevie 'n' Belinda Bear for passing on their reviews of the night in question.
It was very sad to miss this event. I've been a member of the PC team for several years, and I missed the gathering very much.
I was unable to take part due to simply not being well enough to attend. I've been deeply involved in developing my meditation practice over the last few months, and have been facing the real heart of my depression as part of this process. Whilst working through some very difficult issues, and my chronic pain, I found myself physically and emotionally exhausted, and experienced something of a relapse as I approached the weekend. I'm unable to elaborate further. Those of you who know me best will understand this, and I ask others to suspend judgement of my absence, if you can.
There were lots of folks I'd hoped to catch up with at Nant Gwynant. I will see you all there in September, if not before.
-G!
Wednesday, 18 June 2008
Tuesday, 27 May 2008
...
I've just returned from a week on the Emerald Isle. I only get to see my family twice a year or so, and it was wonderful to spend a little time with them. The process of making the journey, however, proved to be very frustrating. It's been a while since I last noticed my intolerance to stupidity. Ridiculous queues at airports, incompetent officious staff, and fellow passengers who had nothing more than a total disregard for anyone else around them. All these egos, playing their own individual games. No "common sense", and no compassion to be found anywhere. No-one smiling.
Iwas glad to get back to my chosen pace of life, early last evening. Blessed relief from a social war-zone!
My time in "the Old Country" wasn't all good. I had intended to get some work done while I was there. Several false-starts, and heavy doses of self-doubt left me almost entirely unproductive for the whole week! I'm left in a similar position this afternoon. Creative dead-ends, little inspiration. The rest of the day will be devoted to some walking meditation, and catching up with friends.
Iwas glad to get back to my chosen pace of life, early last evening. Blessed relief from a social war-zone!
My time in "the Old Country" wasn't all good. I had intended to get some work done while I was there. Several false-starts, and heavy doses of self-doubt left me almost entirely unproductive for the whole week! I'm left in a similar position this afternoon. Creative dead-ends, little inspiration. The rest of the day will be devoted to some walking meditation, and catching up with friends.
Tuesday, 13 May 2008
Acceleration!
So, several months drift by again, without a peep from me on this blog. Once again, I'm forced to apologise for the gap!
In most ways though, no news is good news! It's usually the case with me, but the reasons for my truancy are many.
I have been stupidly busy, writing, making noise, gathering with friends, and attending to my practice. The arrival of Spring to this sleepy corner of North Wales has brought a new enthusiasm for most of the folks here in Llanberis. The often-mentioned therapeutic value I place in Sunshine has been working some strange spells. I've been maximising my exposure (safely!), and reaping the benefits. The depressive influence of Welsh winter weather have finally gone.
The party season has begun. I enjoyed (albeit briefly!), the Celtic Gathering held near Dolwyddelan, but failedto catch up with some valued friends. I'll be keeping these encounters for a not-too-distant future event...!
And, one event in particular has had a huge positive effect on my condition........ namely the Bluebell BallyHoo. A wonderful party, beautifully organised by a cherished resident of our odd little idyll. It was another of those brilliant unspoked collaborations that punctuate my year. One of those gatherings that bloomed spontaneously in perfect synch with the advent of Spring. My thanks go out to Vera, Merlin, Kaim, Rachel, RedStripe, and all the other contributors, but especially to Conrad for the use of his amazingly-engineered dome, which served as the focul-point of our revellings!
The event has set a high standard for all the year's subsequent parties to live up to.
My diary is looking pretty full for the rest of the summer.
Aside from socialising, I have been lucky of late to have time to devote to my meditaion practice, and to quiet contemplation. I've spent long hours wandering in the woods. From where I'm sitting, I have a great view of the Allt-wen woods, across Llyn Padarn. Being out amongst the trees, at various times of day, and watching the leaves slowly forming that giant broccoli garden of a canopy, I've managed to advance my current thinking, and also begin to find some of that elusive inner peace that I so desperately seek.
Days devoid of clinging to the past and worrying about the future. Absorbed in the moment. Part of a true unifying Whole.
It's all feeling so much faster now. We're accelerating towards the zero-point. I have even seen the evidence for this in some of the folks that I thought were beyond the reaches of these transitional times. Some of the sleeping masses seem to be slowly waking up!
PLUR.
In most ways though, no news is good news! It's usually the case with me, but the reasons for my truancy are many.
I have been stupidly busy, writing, making noise, gathering with friends, and attending to my practice. The arrival of Spring to this sleepy corner of North Wales has brought a new enthusiasm for most of the folks here in Llanberis. The often-mentioned therapeutic value I place in Sunshine has been working some strange spells. I've been maximising my exposure (safely!), and reaping the benefits. The depressive influence of Welsh winter weather have finally gone.
The party season has begun. I enjoyed (albeit briefly!), the Celtic Gathering held near Dolwyddelan, but failedto catch up with some valued friends. I'll be keeping these encounters for a not-too-distant future event...!
And, one event in particular has had a huge positive effect on my condition........ namely the Bluebell BallyHoo. A wonderful party, beautifully organised by a cherished resident of our odd little idyll. It was another of those brilliant unspoked collaborations that punctuate my year. One of those gatherings that bloomed spontaneously in perfect synch with the advent of Spring. My thanks go out to Vera, Merlin, Kaim, Rachel, RedStripe, and all the other contributors, but especially to Conrad for the use of his amazingly-engineered dome, which served as the focul-point of our revellings!
The event has set a high standard for all the year's subsequent parties to live up to.
My diary is looking pretty full for the rest of the summer.
Aside from socialising, I have been lucky of late to have time to devote to my meditaion practice, and to quiet contemplation. I've spent long hours wandering in the woods. From where I'm sitting, I have a great view of the Allt-wen woods, across Llyn Padarn. Being out amongst the trees, at various times of day, and watching the leaves slowly forming that giant broccoli garden of a canopy, I've managed to advance my current thinking, and also begin to find some of that elusive inner peace that I so desperately seek.
Days devoid of clinging to the past and worrying about the future. Absorbed in the moment. Part of a true unifying Whole.
It's all feeling so much faster now. We're accelerating towards the zero-point. I have even seen the evidence for this in some of the folks that I thought were beyond the reaches of these transitional times. Some of the sleeping masses seem to be slowly waking up!
PLUR.
Wednesday, 20 February 2008
The Orange-Trees...
Spontaneous moments of clarity have been few and far between for me, in recent times. But, in the last few days, I have been bombarded by them!
Each a moment of inspiration, fuelled by the Sun's rays, birdsong, the flow of a stream, and Truth in the air.
I have even been drawn back to the words of Soma Krishna. Some of the simplest ways to cement your relationship with your environment.
"Sit with your back pressed against the trunk of the mightiest tree you can find, and pull its strength into your spne with each breath. Lose awareness of where the tree trunk and your back become one. Thank the tree.
Rest an evergreen branch on the top of your head, and let its power pour into you as though to fill an empty vessel. The overflow bathes you in the green mist and you are renewed.
Hold a rock in your hand. Feel its texture, weight, and reconstruct its geological history. How old is it? Did it travel from deep within the earth, or from space as a meteorite, before it reached your hand? Become that rock.
Feed on the smell of fresh-cut grass, even the lawn, drawing the odour into your nose and mouth. Let it nourish body and spirit.
Taste the wind. What does it carry? Salt from the sea, perhaps? Or clean pine essence from the mountains, or parched desert air? Lick snow and rain from the wind's fingers.
Lie on the sun-warmed ground and share its gratitude as the generous rays kindle the soil's own latent life. Imagine that you are a seed. Watch yourself sprout and grow.
Listen to the ocean pound on the beach. Close your eyes, and let the intensity of the sound fill your head, then your whole body, until you vibrate with it. Try to hear beyond the ocean to the roar of the raw primal energy in the universe.
Watch the flow of a river. Throw your burden of worry and negative emotions to the passing water to carry it off. Breathe deeply to dislodge old crystallized tensions from around your heart, as the current sweeps away layer after layer of ancient woes on its way to the ocean.
Visualize the ocean waiting, neutralizing all, and converting it back into pure energy once more."
Now I remember!
PLUR.
Each a moment of inspiration, fuelled by the Sun's rays, birdsong, the flow of a stream, and Truth in the air.
I have even been drawn back to the words of Soma Krishna. Some of the simplest ways to cement your relationship with your environment.
"Sit with your back pressed against the trunk of the mightiest tree you can find, and pull its strength into your spne with each breath. Lose awareness of where the tree trunk and your back become one. Thank the tree.
Rest an evergreen branch on the top of your head, and let its power pour into you as though to fill an empty vessel. The overflow bathes you in the green mist and you are renewed.
Hold a rock in your hand. Feel its texture, weight, and reconstruct its geological history. How old is it? Did it travel from deep within the earth, or from space as a meteorite, before it reached your hand? Become that rock.
Feed on the smell of fresh-cut grass, even the lawn, drawing the odour into your nose and mouth. Let it nourish body and spirit.
Taste the wind. What does it carry? Salt from the sea, perhaps? Or clean pine essence from the mountains, or parched desert air? Lick snow and rain from the wind's fingers.
Lie on the sun-warmed ground and share its gratitude as the generous rays kindle the soil's own latent life. Imagine that you are a seed. Watch yourself sprout and grow.
Listen to the ocean pound on the beach. Close your eyes, and let the intensity of the sound fill your head, then your whole body, until you vibrate with it. Try to hear beyond the ocean to the roar of the raw primal energy in the universe.
Watch the flow of a river. Throw your burden of worry and negative emotions to the passing water to carry it off. Breathe deeply to dislodge old crystallized tensions from around your heart, as the current sweeps away layer after layer of ancient woes on its way to the ocean.
Visualize the ocean waiting, neutralizing all, and converting it back into pure energy once more."
Now I remember!
PLUR.
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
The Thing of Shapes to come!
Stoned conversations.... The usual subjects- the importance of the Psychedelic Experience, the acquisition of sacramental materials, the weather! But.... we've been chatting more and more about the practicalities of surviving, and maybe even thriving, in the years to come. Odd stuff, really. Paranoid glimpses into a world which demands new sacrifices, modified systems of communication, a return to simpler things, and greater self-sufficiency.
The wyrdest thing about this dialogue was the optimism. A strange thing to find amongst the (possible?...probable?) doom and destruction of our near-future. Although we began with a chuckle at a very possible economic disaster, we continued, with furrowed brows, to throw around the wildest survival plans. And all this with an odd impatience, and a firm insistance that such a crash was inevitable. Unburdened by financial responsibility, and resolutely refusing to bow to market pressures, we ploughed onward. In some ways, the deeper the crisis we percieved, the greater we were entertained. Soon, a utopian master-plan was assembled, amid the rising smoke from yet another well-filled bowl. A neat wee dream, tying together all our ideals- the off-grid commune of like-minded folk. The pre-invasion Pala for which we deeply yearn.
Silence finally fell upon us just before the dawn. At last, the herb had made us long for sleep. The dreaming would take new forms. Some not to be remembered.
PLUR.
The wyrdest thing about this dialogue was the optimism. A strange thing to find amongst the (possible?...probable?) doom and destruction of our near-future. Although we began with a chuckle at a very possible economic disaster, we continued, with furrowed brows, to throw around the wildest survival plans. And all this with an odd impatience, and a firm insistance that such a crash was inevitable. Unburdened by financial responsibility, and resolutely refusing to bow to market pressures, we ploughed onward. In some ways, the deeper the crisis we percieved, the greater we were entertained. Soon, a utopian master-plan was assembled, amid the rising smoke from yet another well-filled bowl. A neat wee dream, tying together all our ideals- the off-grid commune of like-minded folk. The pre-invasion Pala for which we deeply yearn.
Silence finally fell upon us just before the dawn. At last, the herb had made us long for sleep. The dreaming would take new forms. Some not to be remembered.
PLUR.
Wednesday, 30 January 2008
Well..... it amazes me how quickly events can unfold! After a massively emotional week for all concerned, the nastiness that invaded our wee village has almost entirely gone! Sure, the divisive folks are still resident here, but it seems that they've accepted an exit offer from the problem area, even if they are still trying to divert blame to the innocent. I don't really understand that particular kind of human being who cannot admit when they are wrong. I'm sure you've all met them. The clues are usually present in matters of trivia. A simple question will be raised, and an argument as to the colour of a dark-hued crow will ensue. There's some interesting reading to be had on the subject of so-called "Right Man Syndrome", if you can be bothered to seek it out. I hope that I retain the ability to hold my hand up, and admit my mistakes when I make them, learn from them, and move on. I've definitely had enough practice!
So, life in Llanberis is slowly returning to "normal". I expect that we'll hear a few tall tales, whilst sat in the bay-window of a certain local pub, but no-one will be concerned or surprised by them.
I admit that I'm relieved by the progress that has been made.
Away from all that unsavoury business, I've been keeping myself busy. Making noise, talking politics/religion with friends, and actually getting down to some writing, at last! Finally getting the Cidfloss website up and running, after last year's false-start/riot, seems to be in sight now too.
PLUR.
So, life in Llanberis is slowly returning to "normal". I expect that we'll hear a few tall tales, whilst sat in the bay-window of a certain local pub, but no-one will be concerned or surprised by them.
I admit that I'm relieved by the progress that has been made.
Away from all that unsavoury business, I've been keeping myself busy. Making noise, talking politics/religion with friends, and actually getting down to some writing, at last! Finally getting the Cidfloss website up and running, after last year's false-start/riot, seems to be in sight now too.
PLUR.
Monday, 21 January 2008
Irons in the fire....
It's been a busy month, here in the village. A fair bit of conflict, but a lot of co-operation too. A very good friend of mine is putting a film together which highlights his depressive illness, and gives an insight into how such things work. He is, I think, incredibly brave to do this, and I am envious of his ability to disclose intimate details of his past, and his condition.
He asked me to help out with the project, partly because we've worked well together in the past, but also as the subject matter parallels some of my own experiences.
After reading his first set of notes, I identified with a lot of the material, and was quite comfortable with some of the thornier issues he wants to address. His condition is much more severe than mine. He has had some quite serious manic phases in the past, and these have included some very destructive behaviour, as well as bouts of self-harm. I'm very pleased to be able to relate to much of his experience, and hope that I can be of some practical use to the project.
In participating in the making of the film, I also hope that I might learn something more of my own condition too.
Work begins in a few days. I'll come back with a few progress reports later...
By way of contrast, there's been some odd political happenings darkening our doors of late. "Trouble in Paradise", as one friend put it.
It all centres around a few peoples' lust for power and control. The stuff of a day-time soap-opera really, but serious enough to worry a lot of folks here. Basically, our local BNP supporters (thankfully there's only are few!) hatched a plan to gain control over a prominent business venture. What came to light was a tale of corruption, bullying, and bigotry. Not exactly what you'd expect in a sleepy North Wales village. Lots of, for want of a better expression, Anti-Hippy sentiment! So sad!
Somehow, I think we "hippies" will win out! The view's lovely from the moral high ground, by the way!
....More later.
PLUR.
He asked me to help out with the project, partly because we've worked well together in the past, but also as the subject matter parallels some of my own experiences.
After reading his first set of notes, I identified with a lot of the material, and was quite comfortable with some of the thornier issues he wants to address. His condition is much more severe than mine. He has had some quite serious manic phases in the past, and these have included some very destructive behaviour, as well as bouts of self-harm. I'm very pleased to be able to relate to much of his experience, and hope that I can be of some practical use to the project.
In participating in the making of the film, I also hope that I might learn something more of my own condition too.
Work begins in a few days. I'll come back with a few progress reports later...
By way of contrast, there's been some odd political happenings darkening our doors of late. "Trouble in Paradise", as one friend put it.
It all centres around a few peoples' lust for power and control. The stuff of a day-time soap-opera really, but serious enough to worry a lot of folks here. Basically, our local BNP supporters (thankfully there's only are few!) hatched a plan to gain control over a prominent business venture. What came to light was a tale of corruption, bullying, and bigotry. Not exactly what you'd expect in a sleepy North Wales village. Lots of, for want of a better expression, Anti-Hippy sentiment! So sad!
Somehow, I think we "hippies" will win out! The view's lovely from the moral high ground, by the way!
....More later.
PLUR.
Saturday, 12 January 2008
A new year and all that....
So, we're into 2008!
As I've indicated before, there will be a few changes to the nature/style of my posts this year. I am so glad to see the back of '07. What a grim year! If it wasn't for a few vitally influencial factors, I may not have been here to type this!
Whoa! That sounds a bit over the top, eh?
Well, no! I actually managed to look seriously at taking steps to remove myself from this plane of existance on several occasions last year! I have, however, had some amazing support from my wife, family, and friends, and my clinical treatment has proven to be outstanding. My current condition seems so far away from the dark places I visited in the last 18 months or so, and my understanding of who I am, and what I do has increased beyond belief!
I'm getting to grips with whole "personal blog" thing now. It really is a difficult process. I tend to avoid all the social networking sites. I've read so much bullsh*t posted by folks I know very well, and find the whole ego-driven, self-promotion thing a little nauseating. By contrast, I'll be developing this wee blog, as a way to help get myself understood. For various reasons, I've failed to do this at crucial times in the past, and I am determined to correct this. I suppose this blog is just meant for my friends and collegues, but I'm hoping some more distant aquaintances might find it puts them straight about a few things, now that the mist has cleared!
In the course of the year, Hedges, Dwarfy and I will be adding to the Cidfloss blog at www.cidfloss.blogspot.com too. Again, we're still all about putting information out there in our own way, but we do recognise the need to put more effort in. There still seems to be some misunderstanding about who we are as a group, and what we are trying to achieve, so I'm sure you'll welcome further clarification. Look out for tongues in cheeks...........!
Anyway, after a strange festive season of helping relatives recover from surgery, dealing with general family-politics, and failing to catch up with old friends, I'm certainly ready to look forward to a happier new year.
PLUR.
As I've indicated before, there will be a few changes to the nature/style of my posts this year. I am so glad to see the back of '07. What a grim year! If it wasn't for a few vitally influencial factors, I may not have been here to type this!
Whoa! That sounds a bit over the top, eh?
Well, no! I actually managed to look seriously at taking steps to remove myself from this plane of existance on several occasions last year! I have, however, had some amazing support from my wife, family, and friends, and my clinical treatment has proven to be outstanding. My current condition seems so far away from the dark places I visited in the last 18 months or so, and my understanding of who I am, and what I do has increased beyond belief!
I'm getting to grips with whole "personal blog" thing now. It really is a difficult process. I tend to avoid all the social networking sites. I've read so much bullsh*t posted by folks I know very well, and find the whole ego-driven, self-promotion thing a little nauseating. By contrast, I'll be developing this wee blog, as a way to help get myself understood. For various reasons, I've failed to do this at crucial times in the past, and I am determined to correct this. I suppose this blog is just meant for my friends and collegues, but I'm hoping some more distant aquaintances might find it puts them straight about a few things, now that the mist has cleared!
In the course of the year, Hedges, Dwarfy and I will be adding to the Cidfloss blog at www.cidfloss.blogspot.com too. Again, we're still all about putting information out there in our own way, but we do recognise the need to put more effort in. There still seems to be some misunderstanding about who we are as a group, and what we are trying to achieve, so I'm sure you'll welcome further clarification. Look out for tongues in cheeks...........!
Anyway, after a strange festive season of helping relatives recover from surgery, dealing with general family-politics, and failing to catch up with old friends, I'm certainly ready to look forward to a happier new year.
PLUR.
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