Ups 'n' Downs...

As I've mentioned here before, I am gradually coming to grips with my ups 'n' downs.
Recent events have certainly gone a long way to helping me understand my own mind, and some stark truths have surfaced.
After conversations with some of the most important and influential human beings in my life, and a lot of introspection, I've come to admit that I've been struggling with depression for , as far as I can determine, some twenty years!
I've always put it down to the symptoms of being truly awake, in current times, and was too quick to blame external sources for my periodic misery. It seems that I have never considered a clinical condition to be at the heart of this problem, or at the very least, to be a major contributor to it.
I recall one particular clue. A distant memory. An incident that occured in the mid-80's, only to be retrieved in recent days. I won't (can't) bore you with the details of it, but it was a brief outpouring of emotion that shocked my parents at the time. I'm sure they could not recall it now without prompting.
I had shown fear for the future.
I remember it with chilling detail. The setting, the frustration, anger, and despair in my words. The expression on my mother's face.
So, a quarter of a century later, I finally understand the message contained it that, and countless other clues. I am now seeking appropriate help.
I can't see too far ahead as yet, but this process has just started, so I'll cling to a vague hope, as HST would have said, that someone (or someTHING) is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.
At least, now, I'm walking in the right direction.



"Sweet are the thoughts that savour of content. The quiet mind is richer than a crown."