OK! Firstly.......... Apologies for the disgraceful gap since my last post here. I've been stupidly busy. Too many fingers in too many pies, as usual!
Our Samhain party, FrightNight went really well, on 27th October. 600 aliens tuning in to a vibe that only FN can provide!
Working with my good friends on this project is one of my greatest sessions of therapy, and always leaves me with a restored faith in Human Nature. The core team of Stevie, Vashti, Dwarfy and I have been putting on this event for six years now, and we seem to operate on an almost telepathic basis now. Not much need for continuous communication in the physical sense, just four like-minds in perfect sync. An over-riding common goal that is automatically switched on as we approach Halloween each year. My connection with these people will last forever!
On the night, I was, in some ways, confined to the Psychedelic Room, and I only caught short moments of the madness of the Main Hall. However, my appetite for life-affirming music was fully satisfied. Dwarfy LunarBaby, Ghostley Hedges, and our good friend Henrik fed my mind with some amazing sounds. Once again, I'm in their debt...!
It was wonderful to be working with my old friend El Campino again. He made a very welcome return as our VJ, after a long break from the scene. He is an invaluable friend, and a true Star!
As to the 40+ other members of the FrightNight crew...... I offer them my sincerest of thanks, and guide them to look to FN7, in 2008!
I will endeavour to post some photos from the event, along with some useful links, as soon as I get into an suitable state of mind.
PLUR.
Monday, 12 November 2007
Monday, 24 September 2007
Sleep...
Ok. Sleep rules! Just got through a nasty period of insomnia. It was keeping my mind focused on those automatic negative thoughts that I'm trying so hard to fight. breaking free to some peaceful slumber has been wonderful! Keeping physically busy has helped a lot. Been out playing and listening to some great music over the last few weeks, and chucking a shed-load of equipment around too. The Painted Chariot Autumn Equinox event has been a definite highlight. We were drastically short-staffed, the live act cancelled at the last minute, and there were a few moments of panic, but when you get a great little team into action with such a cool common goal, anything can be rescued. The night went really well, and we made another good contribution to the Red Cross Darfur Appeal.
I'll be concentrating on our Halloween party for the next month or so. Another great team-effort. More details soon....
PLUR.
Saturday, 1 September 2007
Busy...
Now that we've stumbled past the August bank-holiday weekend, and staggered into September, it's a quiet hope for an Indian summer that's occupying minds.
I had the pleasure of helping a good friend celebrate his 31st birthday last night, and it was a wonderful party! Lots of smiling faces on folks in varying degrees of intoxication, vibrant conversation (not JUST about the weather either!), cool sounds, and no stupid ego-games! A great way to welcome this busy month.
Despite the ongoing issues that haunt me, I'm actually enjoying being busy (This is where you briefly yawn!)!
September holds a handful of gigs for both the CidFloss Corporation, and RedStripe, and our annual Halloween party-preparation is also in full swing now!
So, I'm hoping that will result in more positive posts here. I bet you're all relieved to hear that...!
PLUR
I had the pleasure of helping a good friend celebrate his 31st birthday last night, and it was a wonderful party! Lots of smiling faces on folks in varying degrees of intoxication, vibrant conversation (not JUST about the weather either!), cool sounds, and no stupid ego-games! A great way to welcome this busy month.
Despite the ongoing issues that haunt me, I'm actually enjoying being busy (This is where you briefly yawn!)!
September holds a handful of gigs for both the CidFloss Corporation, and RedStripe, and our annual Halloween party-preparation is also in full swing now!
So, I'm hoping that will result in more positive posts here. I bet you're all relieved to hear that...!
PLUR
Friday, 31 August 2007
"...big ball..."
Well, a big ball of light has appeared in the sky, a few times, since my last visit here. I continue to be astounded by it's therapeutic value! I've been grabbing as much sunshine as possible, and it's been wonderful!
Of course, reading through my previous posts, there is a direct connection between the weather and my mood. I wish the entire story was that simple!
Anyway, I'm restricted to up's and downs which are much less extreme than in the recent past. I'm grateful for that.
When I look back on this summer, probably on a rainy November Tuesday, I WILL be taken back to a world of great music, and great friends. The downs are all fading away.....slowly.
PLUR
Of course, reading through my previous posts, there is a direct connection between the weather and my mood. I wish the entire story was that simple!
Anyway, I'm restricted to up's and downs which are much less extreme than in the recent past. I'm grateful for that.
When I look back on this summer, probably on a rainy November Tuesday, I WILL be taken back to a world of great music, and great friends. The downs are all fading away.....slowly.
PLUR
Sunday, 12 August 2007
Where...?
Where is the summer?
In the year when I REALLY need some sunshine, the rains continue! I'm surprised the whole population isn't depressed (...Hold on! Maybe it is!)
Anyway, I must apologise for the lack of posts on this blog. I've been occupied with interesting work, frustrating people, the funeral of a friend, and the general maintenance of my mood.
All of the above have helped (?) to keep my paranoia levels up. The same humans that have had an affect on these symptoms in the past, still seem to have a hand in my condition now. A lot of this is actually born out of my concern for their welfare, but I am saddened to report that a few folks seem to have really taken a dislike to me. Distance is my current treatment. I really don't know how people can be bothered to put in considerable effort to alienate someone who is actually their ally. I suppose I'm over-sensitive to this stuff right now, but it's all too obvious to ignore.
So... I hope to be back soon, with something a little brighter to report (and not just the weather!).
PLUR
In the year when I REALLY need some sunshine, the rains continue! I'm surprised the whole population isn't depressed (...Hold on! Maybe it is!)
Anyway, I must apologise for the lack of posts on this blog. I've been occupied with interesting work, frustrating people, the funeral of a friend, and the general maintenance of my mood.
All of the above have helped (?) to keep my paranoia levels up. The same humans that have had an affect on these symptoms in the past, still seem to have a hand in my condition now. A lot of this is actually born out of my concern for their welfare, but I am saddened to report that a few folks seem to have really taken a dislike to me. Distance is my current treatment. I really don't know how people can be bothered to put in considerable effort to alienate someone who is actually their ally. I suppose I'm over-sensitive to this stuff right now, but it's all too obvious to ignore.
So... I hope to be back soon, with something a little brighter to report (and not just the weather!).
PLUR
Friday, 29 June 2007
Steps...!
I'm not prepared to define it as optimism, but I now have a feeling that I've taken a series of small steps in the right direction.
Some of you might giggle at the irony of the Sandoz label on my medication. It seems to be finally taking effect. Small elevations in my mood. Glimpses of another life. I have no idea how long I will be taking it, but I've been in contact with others who have had success with this compound. Predominently positive stories. I think I'm gaining a little confidence. I have also had my first visit to the local community mental health team. I know it will be difficult to deal with the forthcoming programme, but it IS another step...!
I am writing this after having a landmark weekend. The Cidfloss Corporation were contributing to the Painted Chariot event, here in North Wales, raising much-needed funds for the Red Cross Darfur Appeal. Just attending the event was a difficult prospect for me, and playing some music was a major challenge. I am delighted that it all went well, and the sounds proved to be extremely therapeutic!
I am in debt to Dwarfy & Hedges for their support, and I'm very thankful to all the other musicians/DJs who played, and all the wonderful folks who worked hard to make the party a success. I eagerly anticipate the next one! That's a very important step, as I'm still taking one day at a time. For the first time in quite a while, I'm enjoying having something to look forward to!
PLUR
Saturday, 2 June 2007
Ups 'n' Downs...
As I've mentioned here before, I am gradually coming to grips with my ups 'n' downs.
Recent events have certainly gone a long way to helping me understand my own mind, and some stark truths have surfaced.
After conversations with some of the most important and influential human beings in my life, and a lot of introspection, I've come to admit that I've been struggling with depression for , as far as I can determine, some twenty years!
I've always put it down to the symptoms of being truly awake, in current times, and was too quick to blame external sources for my periodic misery. It seems that I have never considered a clinical condition to be at the heart of this problem, or at the very least, to be a major contributor to it.
I recall one particular clue. A distant memory. An incident that occured in the mid-80's, only to be retrieved in recent days. I won't (can't) bore you with the details of it, but it was a brief outpouring of emotion that shocked my parents at the time. I'm sure they could not recall it now without prompting.
I had shown fear for the future.
I remember it with chilling detail. The setting, the frustration, anger, and despair in my words. The expression on my mother's face.
So, a quarter of a century later, I finally understand the message contained it that, and countless other clues. I am now seeking appropriate help.
I can't see too far ahead as yet, but this process has just started, so I'll cling to a vague hope, as HST would have said, that someone (or someTHING) is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.
At least, now, I'm walking in the right direction.
"Sweet are the thoughts that savour of content. The quiet mind is richer than a crown."
Recent events have certainly gone a long way to helping me understand my own mind, and some stark truths have surfaced.
After conversations with some of the most important and influential human beings in my life, and a lot of introspection, I've come to admit that I've been struggling with depression for , as far as I can determine, some twenty years!
I've always put it down to the symptoms of being truly awake, in current times, and was too quick to blame external sources for my periodic misery. It seems that I have never considered a clinical condition to be at the heart of this problem, or at the very least, to be a major contributor to it.
I recall one particular clue. A distant memory. An incident that occured in the mid-80's, only to be retrieved in recent days. I won't (can't) bore you with the details of it, but it was a brief outpouring of emotion that shocked my parents at the time. I'm sure they could not recall it now without prompting.
I had shown fear for the future.
I remember it with chilling detail. The setting, the frustration, anger, and despair in my words. The expression on my mother's face.
So, a quarter of a century later, I finally understand the message contained it that, and countless other clues. I am now seeking appropriate help.
I can't see too far ahead as yet, but this process has just started, so I'll cling to a vague hope, as HST would have said, that someone (or someTHING) is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.
At least, now, I'm walking in the right direction.
"Sweet are the thoughts that savour of content. The quiet mind is richer than a crown."
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