Spent quite a while gazing at the brilliant display of Autumnal colours across Llyn Padarn, to the Allt Wen woods this morning.
I tend to rise at around 8am, and today began cloudless and still. The low, early-winter sun in this part of the world always inspires. It's a shame we have to pay for it with all those dark, wet days to come though.
Anyway, I cut my morning meditation short today to get out into the sunshine, only to be "time-bandited", with my attention diverted to friendly chatter in the local cafe. Still.... good mornings are becoming the norm, so no time was wasted.
Good to have my life back...........




PLUR.

Sat 7th had me helping out with my good friend Miranda's birthday party, which really coincided with a house-warming of sorts!
Anyway, once again we set about creating our own little trance wonderland. Blacklights & backdrops were positioned, the sound system rigged, and delicious food prepared. Apparently, there were around two dozen invites issued. It's only a small end-terrace quarryman's cottage, with little room for more than fifteen.
Anyway, it was a lovely night. Great tunes. Great company. Almost echoing our halloween party from the previous weekend. I felt sorry for our hosts though, as quite a few of the folks who swore they'd be there, just didn't show up! In fact there were a few who seem to delight in these kinds of broken promises. It's sad, as they are missing all the fun in the process!

It'll be interesting if the trend continues. We'll certainly be keeping up the vibe regardless of any pathetic excuses, and hidden agendas!



PLUR.

Halloween, and other stories...

Well, overall this October was remarkably stress-free. This was mostly down to the fact that I was taking a break from organising our usual large Samhain party. This year, the CidFloss crew decided to opt for a small-scale PsyTrance do at our favourite local pub! Strange idea- great night out! It's amazing how wonderful you can feel when you find yourself in the company of some truly lovely individuals, all entrained to a beautiful vibe! I'll never cease to be amazed by the power of such a scene, and I thank all who ventured out to y Fricsan for a dance! There will be more.....



PLUR.

Another week elapses, and I'm still here!
It seems that everyone here in Llanberis is down with the cold. As I wander down the high street, I'm met with a barrage of sneezes! Think I've kind of had this wee bug already. Several days of anticipation followed by 48 hours of fever, and nasal drama! Then.... gone!
Apart from that, I've been sucking the last life out of some wonderful weather! Wall to wall blue skies, and the opportunity to top up that Vit D again. Makes me so glad to live here, and not in the city. The Allt Wen woods (or the "Broccoli" as it's known in certain circles!) is transforming into an explosion of colour. I love the Autumn, and in the early evening sunlight, this is paradise!
It's a case of making the most of it, before the winter sets in. I admit to not relishing that! There's some hard work ahead, and I think, a lot of time to be spent in contemplation.


PLUR.

Normali......................tea?

Beginning to get used to this health business. It really is strange to be free of pharmaceutical influences: oddly light; no headaches; no more dizziness. How did I put up with all that stuff for so long? I won't go into any detail on the other side-effects...!
Anyway, it's even more strange to be doing all the stuff that I just have'nt had any motivation to do, over the last few years. I'm digging into my CD collection again, riding my bike, and even tickling ions in the sky.....! And the clarity of thought.........!
I've been back in the studio too! My current projects are taking new directions though. Much more of an ambient/experimental vibe, even in the dub. Meditation's much stronger suddenly too!
So.......... kettles boiling, and I'll be satisfying my new-found taste for organic green tea.......!


PLUR.

My "illness" of the last few years has finally come clean. It has made itself truly known. "It" has deceived me all along. It disguised itself as "the unkindness of others", as "the consequences of substance-abuse", as "a natural chemical imbalance", and simply as "a cruel world"!

I am thankful, now, for it all! I sit here, un-medicated, symptom-free, and with an, admittedly odd, half-smile!
I get it now! I understand! I know how it works!
Of course, I still have to deal with the regrets. I lost some great friends during this time. I made some unfair assumptions. I had unreasonable expectations. I managed to get myself ostracized from a "community" that I love. I failed to make myself understood. In fact, I failed in so many ways, as a Human Being! I need to apologise to so many people......!
So, the half-smile, eh?
Well, it took some 2,600 year-old lessons in psychology, and some long-forgotten knowledge to help me through. I,ve finally removed all the government-sanctioned poison from my system too. That was the hardest part of my recovery. Prescription drugs, and anti-depressants in particular served as a brief tool (a few weeks at best!) to fight my problems, but proved in the end to be worse, in many ways, than the condition they were sent to treat! Over 2 years of this "medication", and now I'm free of it! No more horrific side-effects! No more dependance! Never again!

Back soon...... honest, gov! ;)



PLUR.

?

At last (?), I feel ready to add to my blog, after so much time has passed, and so much has happened.
Since I was last 'here', events have taken place that have shaken me to the very core!
In April of this year, my father-in-law, and very dear friend, David, passed away. He had been battling with cancer for several years, and died in Antrim Area Hospital early in the month. I was at his bedside, with his immediate family, at the time of his passing. A truly devastating moment.
At this point, I must say that my subsequent grief has been predominently concerned with that of my wife and best friend, "DL". To see her suffer in this way has been immensely difficult for me. In fact, to witness the reactions of all the family to this loss has threatened me in a number of ways. My loss, has been easily dealt with. Now, I know that might sound a little heartless, but I have had the benefit of a few years of rigid contemplation on the nature of physical death, and my subsequent understanding has helped me greatly in getting through the last 6 months without 'relapse'..........!
I have, of course, shed more than a few tears. The FACT, however, that the energy that was David has simply taken on a new from, has given me succour. My greatest difficulty has been making this fact obvious to those closest to me, amid the horror of their loss. When we visit Northern Ireland to spend time with family, I rarely go to the grave. Others do so religiously, and I struggle to understand why. A shrine to physical remains seems to make no sense to me. David is, of course, "everywhere" now... I "see" him in every flower, every cloud, every footstep that I take, and I can smile with each of these encounters. I gaze into DL's eyes sometimes, and feel guilty....
The feelings of loss that DL still clings to are still destructive now. They prevent her from enjoying her life whenever they can. This suffering is now my great enemy.
Time has had its effect, and the nature of her grief is slowly changing. You don't ever fully get over a loss like her's. You just adapt to it. I only wish I could do more to help...

The months after David's death coincided with my withdrawal from Venlafaxine. This has made 2009 the most difficult year I've yet to experience (out of 43, so there MAY be more to come!).
The time came when I had to put all that I've learned into practice.

Ouch!

The wyrdness continues unabated... I suppose.
My trip to "the old country" was interesting, to say the least! The wedding that we were there to attend was a delight in many ways. A beautiful young couple declaring their love for one another, always a great life-affirming experience for guests. I was a little unsettled to be greeted with some odd looks, as I arrived as well-dressed as I ever get, but still managing to stick out like a sore thumb by not wearing (or for that matter, owning) a suit and neck-tie. There I was in my herring-bone blazer, cheesecloth shirt, and mala. The hippy element to offset the mass of immaculate, materialist looks that I now assume are the sartorial norm at such occasions. Thankfully, after a few drinks, I appeared a wee bit more normal to the rest of the guests, and I guess it was around that time that they realised that I was essentially a nice person, and not some suspicious 60's-throwback troublemaker.
So, I survived the wedding. For '09, that translates to 1 down, 3 to go! I'm now looking forward to the other matrimonial events much more, in the light of this small victory.
The rest of the trip was fine, with lots of time spent visiting various relatives, and enjoying a very typical 'catch-up'.
However, somehow a balance had to be struck, and I, sadly, became embroiled in an ethical debate with a few folks which spiralled down into a full psychotic episode. Shattered by radical disappointment in a developed view of my sister/brother-in-law with regard to recent world events, I allowed myself to be overtaken by an automatic emotional reaction. This resulted in the destruction of various parts of my sister's home, and an altercation with a plate-glass window which left me with 16 stitches in my left arm. I now have no idea where this leaves my relationship with this corner of my family. I have been absorbed entirely with thoughts of this episode since my return to North Wales. It's clear that I have much hard work to do...!

0809, vol.II...

With winter hurtling towards me, I could have been facing my usual seasonal mood-crash, but my mental health is in a much different condition than previous years. With a fast-declining need for medication, I feel much more in control of this and all other elements of my existance. With the help of some amazing teachers, the support of friends and family, the discipline of my daily practice, and the boundless love of my wife, I am waking up in ways I never thought possible. The obvious health benefits of my practice do come with a few interesting side-effects though. Renewed insight into what is really happening in our world, both politically, economically, and spiritually, have stunned me at times, but I also seem to have some exciting new ways of dealing with all this "stuff".
I look around, and see my closest friends enjoying(?) their own awakenings too. The acceleration of critical awareness at this time is very exciting, although the price of this evolutionary jump remains high, as the governing elites panic as they fight to retain control!
The election of Mr. Obama was briefly heartening. I do doubt, however, if we will see any "change" in U.S. policy. I am sure the new president will fall in line as all before him did. In the UK, I think folks saw, in 2008, that party politics is now dead! It's must be obvious to all now, that we 'are ruled (held in slavery) by groups enforcing the same corporate policy.
I am glad that we've been given the opportunity to see the global Banking Scam as it really is. The near-collapse of our current economic model has done much to enlighten the general public, but I'm sure there are some timely distractions just around the corner, to keep a lot of us off the scent!

So, the "festive season" of 08/09 has passed quietly here. It was most agreeable on a personal level. I enjoyed a chilled few weeks, with great friends, and brilliant music, while all around the talk was of "the credit crunch", job-losses, and related despondency.

With the new calendar year, we're confronted with genocide in Gaza to add to the economic woes! Of course, there are several US/UK interests who are profitting massively from our latest war, so there must be a few households avoiding any recession by sponsoring death and destruction in the middle-east! Do NOT support this, I beg you! You have a choice!

So.... 2009 will certainly be an interesting year. More war, poverty, famine, and depression, as the christian/zionist west scrabbles to to retain the last shreds of a failed system. Something silent is still hovering in the background to all this. I still can't quite quantify it, but that feeling of something REALLY BIG about to occur, is surfacing in lots of "ordinary people", and its associated tension is becoming increasingly noticeable. I repeat that this is a very fascinating time to be alive!

PEACE, LOVE, UNITY, RESPECT!

-G!

0809...

Aah... Absentee blogging seems to be the theme for my 2008!
A hundred of the usual excuses apply to my lack of activity here. It would be truly shameful, if it actually meant anything...!
Anyway, the latter half of 2008 was certainly fascinating. After the successes of our mid-summer musical mayhem, the CidFloss DJs went on to contribute to a charity event called Katika Fest. Mr. Hedges and I were really happy to support the selected cause, and were looking forward to a fun fund-raiser. Unfortunately, the event suffered badly from poor organisation, and we even witnessed the assault of two other booked DJs, by members of the organising team... Very Charitable! It seems that certain people on the organising committee had a plan to hijack the programme, alter the line-up through acts of violence, and turn a great day of elcectic sounds into their own sad little tuneless-techno party! It was nothing short of a disgrace!
We're fairly familiar with the instigators of this debacle, and thankfully, we're unlikely to ever work with this pathetic bunch again! Hopefully, they will confine their macho-bullsh*t, beer-fuelled garbage to their usual haunts, and leave all the great posi-vibe parties alone....!

Thankfully, we had our bi-annual pilgrimage to the Boom Festival in Portugal to look froward to in August. This trip is of the greatest importance to the CidFloss Team. It is a time to catch up with friends from all over the planet, and reside in our favourite TAZ for a week of wonderful music, film, talks, art, and sunshine! A few of our team were unable to attend this year (Bisto and El Campino), and their presence was sorely missed, but Dwarfy, Hedges, Derry, Rosie, and I had an amazing experience. Roll on Boom 2010 (?).............!

Autumn saw our usual hectic run-up to FrightNight 7. We had decided to make this seventh ray of light our last Halloween party at Hendre Hall, and we certainly went out with a bang. This year's FN was a huge double-header, with almost 1200 happy revellers coming along over the two nights. I would like to take this opportunity to thank some key contributors to the last FN...
Wonderful decor from Fiona, Amaze&Amuse, Psychometric Vision &Buttons... Astounding Psychedelic music from our special guests, Lorraine, Ash, Psionic Entity, and Astro Druid... and of course, many thanks to all the FrightNight contributors. It's been an amazing 7-year ride!
The FrightNight Collective remains intact (Dwarfy, Vashti, Stevie 'n' I will keep up the good work as the central committee), and we'll be promoting our unique vibes at various events throughout 2009.... More details very soon....