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At last (?), I feel ready to add to my blog, after so much time has passed, and so much has happened.
Since I was last 'here', events have taken place that have shaken me to the very core!
In April of this year, my father-in-law, and very dear friend, David, passed away. He had been battling with cancer for several years, and died in Antrim Area Hospital early in the month. I was at his bedside, with his immediate family, at the time of his passing. A truly devastating moment.
At this point, I must say that my subsequent grief has been predominently concerned with that of my wife and best friend, "DL". To see her suffer in this way has been immensely difficult for me. In fact, to witness the reactions of all the family to this loss has threatened me in a number of ways. My loss, has been easily dealt with. Now, I know that might sound a little heartless, but I have had the benefit of a few years of rigid contemplation on the nature of physical death, and my subsequent understanding has helped me greatly in getting through the last 6 months without 'relapse'..........!
I have, of course, shed more than a few tears. The FACT, however, that the energy that was David has simply taken on a new from, has given me succour. My greatest difficulty has been making this fact obvious to those closest to me, amid the horror of their loss. When we visit Northern Ireland to spend time with family, I rarely go to the grave. Others do so religiously, and I struggle to understand why. A shrine to physical remains seems to make no sense to me. David is, of course, "everywhere" now... I "see" him in every flower, every cloud, every footstep that I take, and I can smile with each of these encounters. I gaze into DL's eyes sometimes, and feel guilty....
The feelings of loss that DL still clings to are still destructive now. They prevent her from enjoying her life whenever they can. This suffering is now my great enemy.
Time has had its effect, and the nature of her grief is slowly changing. You don't ever fully get over a loss like her's. You just adapt to it. I only wish I could do more to help...

The months after David's death coincided with my withdrawal from Venlafaxine. This has made 2009 the most difficult year I've yet to experience (out of 43, so there MAY be more to come!).
The time came when I had to put all that I've learned into practice.